Lost in the Present Age

Hello blog,
It's been a while, but I have thoughts to write down that my Facebook friends don't need to read. I am not looking for comments, whether they be encouraging or condemning ones. I simply want to write some today. Will you let me do that? Oh, good!  Let's begin.

I feel lost lately. The career I imagined for myself ever since I was 6 years old seems a distant dream now thanks to missed opportunities and ever-increasing obstacles (like the economy). Without a job, everyday feels like the day before. It is not special. Same old thing. I have plans to go back to school in the summer, but what to do between now and then? I help with the housework, the housework that never ends. I feel or at least perceive disdain from my wife on how I placed us in another difficult financial situation. This may not be real disdain, but it feels real. It may be more of the frustration of the situation than with me. But still, I feel that some of that frustration is unfairly projected at me. I didn't get fired. I got let go. There is a difference between the two, even though they sound the same, and the result is the same: unemployment. But this time, there was nothing I could have done in that job to save it. So unlike other periods of unemployment, I don't have the guilt to work through. Still, it's very different to be unemployed alone than to be unemployed with a mortgage and family relying on that paycheck. After job searching for a few weeks, we've come to the conclusion that I need to go back to school for something more stable and a little better-paying. So this will put both spouses in school for a while. This frightens me to no end. Economically, it seems unwise to do this, but with the job market how it is for my current skill set and experience, there's not another option. Still, I wrestle with how we will pay for this house, my car, insurance, utilities, and all the other expenses. In the current situation, selling this house will mean owing more on it than we have equity. Only had this house for a year. I am lost on what to do and how to make that work. I cannot find myself in myself, and therefore I turn to the only person I can find myself in. No, not my wife. No, not my kids. No, not my parents. No, not my sister. No, not another woman. I must turn to Christ for He is the only person I am found in. I have to lean on His strength and rely on His wisdom because I have none.